20 months gone, today. I got to visit your grave today, and I am thankful for that.  / Mom
I know you are not there. The essence of who you were is not buried under your headstone. All that you were, your unique personality, your soul and spirit,  is now safely in God's hands. Yet, I know there is a part of you buried there. Being here makes me feel closer to you. I know you are looking down, part of "so great a cloud of witnesses", seeing my tears, hearing my cries. I wish I could see your face, feel your hugs, hear you say "I love you, mom."I wish I could be at the grave every 24th, every monthly anniversary.  But it is not to be.
     The flowers I planted there look nice. I am grateful to Sherri, Sue and Bobby for maintaining your grave when I can't be here to do it. It means so much to me. 
     You are missed my son. More than I can express in words. I am grateful God is allowing me the opportunity to tell your story, in written words and in speaking. I know God will use your life, and the struggles you have gone through, to reach and help others. Your live was not lived in vain. Until we meet again, I will hold onto the hope I have in Christ, that our reunion in Heaven will be sweet. I love you, mom Close

to Mari, Chuck, Chuckie, and my beloved Tom  / Cheri Egan (Uncle's fiancee )
Hi Chuckie,

I apologize for not writing before, but struggle to visit Tom's website, and yours. I do not know if you all can even know what we are writing.  I don't know if this is for us remaining on earth, as prayer and God is how I know Tom hears me, yet maybe, you all can read our writings if it is through our heart and prayers as we write.  I am typing this as a format, and then will repeat everything in my prayers and dreams to you and Tom..  Chuckie, you are such a wonderful, kind, polite, caring, loving, person, and your parents are so proud of having a child like you that just dominates a room, every adult loves you, which, in this day and age, to raise a child that makes you so damn proud, someone so kind, and polite, gives credit to both your loving parents who raised you and your own individual .  Tom and you were so close, and I know that's why you all are together now, working on your project.  He loves you so,  and I know you all are taking care of each other.  Whenever in a social situation talking about kids, you would come up first.  You are so respectful, always made your family proud, and Tom loved you and tried to get his kids close to you and your family the last years he had last, because he knew how wonderful you are and wanted some help.  You remind me of my son, and once we all are done on this planet, it will be a wonderful family reunion.  Tom and I weren'
t married, but were.  We are soulmates, he died 2 weeks before our wedding.  Thank you for taking care of him in heaven.  Please give your mom and dad signs and comfort and peace that your in heaven and doing your will.  I know 100% that your with your grandpa, Tom, and his Mom, I know that you are angels of children, I know you are happy and saving souls, Tom tells me all of this, please relay to your parents that you are alive and in heaven as they are suffering greatly, help them as Tom and God help me daily!!!!  I love you Chuckie, you know, at your viewing, I knew when Tom and I kneeled down and prayed to you that he was my next funeral.  It scared me so bad, and when he said goodbye to you I knew he was saying See you soon.   Beyer's are God sent Angels,  Take care of yourself, my baby, and talk to Mari and Chuck!!!!!!!!!  Your parents love you so much and please give them strength as Tom gives me strength.  I love them dearly,

Love

Cheri Close

Chuckie, sitting here reading all my past postings just crying...  / Mom
2 am in the morning and can't sleep.  I cannot go on this site every day. It is just too hard. Yet sometimes I have to. I need to be reminded of the pain of my loss, of your precious face, of how much I ache to see you.
I was contacted today by a reporter from the Roxbury Register. He wanted a story on your life, and what I have learned about addiction. Maybe sharing the hell we went through dealing with your drug use can help another parent out there. I pray so.  I will always share your story when asked, because all I can do for you now is remember you and help others remember you. You did not die in vain, my son.  The struggles you have gone through will help others. I know some people who read your story or who hear about it when I speak, will be helped, for God is able to use all the bad things in our life to bring about good for others. I wish He came up with a different plan than this. I am still not happy that God took you. But I am learning to trust Him again. It is hard. It is sad. I miss you, my son. Close

Hey Chuckie ~ Just missing you, my son ~ 19 months gone...  / Mom
On Saturday, you will have been gone from me 19 months.  
19 months of just missing you every day. I ache with missing you 
so much. The only thing that keeps me going is "HOPE".   The hope of seeing you again. The Hope of spending eternity with you, catching up.
People think I am doing well now. They do not know the pain I 
keep hidden deep inside.  I cannot spend my days crying for you. I must keep going. Yet, always, right under the surface, it is there. A place that you alone hold. A deep, penetrating sadness, that I 
have learned to live with. It comes forth whenever I allow it to, like whenever I hear the words to the song, Cry out to Jesus.....To everyone who's lost someone they love, long before it was their time.... and you feel like the days you had were not enough, when you said good-bye...' that is me. Tears come and I remember....remember the bad times dealing with your addiction,
but also remember the love we had for each other, your hugs, how you always said "I love you" to me at the end of every phone call. I am so grateful that the last words you said to me and the last 
words I said to you were, "I LOVE YOU". 
So now my son, I just have to keep on going. Keep trying to 
survive, keep trying to be strong for Erin, Chris and Dad. We are all coping with this the best we can. I am speaking tonight at an addiction center, remembering your life. It is hard, Chuckie, but I believe you know up there in Heaven and you are pleased. I do it 
to honor you. I do it so the mistakes you made in your life can 
maybe help someone else not make the same mistakes. I love you my son. Until we meet again, in Heaven, hoping the Rapture occurs very soon, I am always remembering you. Close

02/03/07....Remember-ing Pa today.....  / Mom
Hey Dad, 
Today is the 3rd anniversary of your death, and I just want you to know how much I miss you.  I miss going down having coffee with you at the big house and just chillin'.   Hearing about your latest project, whether it was putting a new roof on, cutting down branches that are 25' in the air, or me just crying to you about 
what was happening with Chuckie. You were always there giving 
me support, loving me and trying to help. I know your heart was broken along with mine. I am glad I got to spend a lot of time with you, going to all your doctor visits. I loved how you were never afraid to tell the doctors what you thought of their pills and tests! I will never forget how you yelled at the heart doctor in the hospital, "Get the hell out of here, you're trying to kill me!"
You are missed dad. I know when Chuckie showed up there, you must have smacked him for what he did to me and his family and friends. Then I'm sure you just hugged him.  I am glad that he has someone with him who just loved him so much. I am glad you are there together. I hope you have put him to work, building our mansions. I look forward to the day when all of our family will be together again for eternity, and the pain and sadness we are feeling now will be a forgotten memory, because the joy will be overwhelming. Until them, I am and will always be, your daughter, Mari Lynn Close

in memory of.  / Erin (Sister)
I just found this in my email account. I knew this was there, but felt like it would be too hard to re-read it. This is what Chris & I wrote and read at Chuckie's memorial service. I am posting it here to remember.....


This is on behalf of my brother Christopher and Myself:

Chuckie

Never did we really believe that we would have to go through this. Chuckie has been struggling for so long his body couldn’t take it any more. But that was just his body it wasn’t his heart. His body no longer has to go through the pain of withdrawal and his heart no longer has to be sad when he is high.

Chuckie loved. He loved his family he loved his friends he truly was the type of person who would give you the shirt off his back and then maybe later on he would charge you 5$ for it. Chuckie was over protective of his little brother. If anyone so much as looked at Christopher wrong Chuckie would attack. He also had no problem getting thrown out of his beloved hockey games in Christophers honor. Chuck loved the fact that Christopher looked up to him and wanted to be like him no matter what he was doing.

Chuckies laugh was something that we loved. When I made him laugh it was like I had just won a prize, it truly meant that I was funny. We loved his style, we loved that he wore du-rags, and clothes that were 3x bigger then he needed. We loved his personality, how he was so confident and would be able to walk into a room and have people flock to him. We loved the fact that he was fearless in many ways. He was the one Beyer that could say anything in front of anyone. Chuck never backed down from anyone at anytime.

We loved his hugs, but most of all we loved his heart. We feel a huge loss and void knowing that we have to continue on in this life without him. We will forever miss you Chuckie. And continue to love you forever. Our beloved brother, Charles Thomas Beyer.
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Rainbows on Sunny Days  / Mom
Chuckie, 
The 18 month anniversary of your death was very hard for me. It was a day of crying. I could not believe you have been gone for 18 months. I just miss you so much, and to think that I have gone that long without talking to you or hugging you is overwhelming to me.  I was sitting in my hot tub crying out to God. Do you even care God? Do you know how much I hurt? A sign that you are listening would be nice. I would accept a sparrow showing up right now, because the Bible says your eye is even on the sparrow, so of course you
are watching over me.  No sparrow showed up. I would gladly 
accept a cardinal showing up, as you know, God, that cardinals are my favorite birds. No cardinal showed up. Of course, I know that 
we are not to ask for signs from God, and even if we do ask, He usually doesn't give us one, because He just wants us to trust him.  
However, when I got out of my hot tub and looked up at the sky, a bright sunny day, with lots of white clouds overhead, there directly over my house was a rainbow from God. His sign to me that He 
was there and He cared. I watched that rainbow for about 5 minutes, until it disappeared. My sadness is still present, Chuckie. However, I do have the hope that we will be together again, and I do know the God who produces rainbows on sunny days, cares about my pain. Close

Chuckie, 18 months in Heaven. Today is very hard.....  / Mom

A very sad and hard day, my son. You have been gone now for 18 months and it does not get any easier.  I miss you with every ounce of my being. God has given me the opportunity to speak on your life, the wrong choices you made, with the hope that those who hear will make better choices in their lives. While I know I must do this, and that you and God are pleased with me doing this, it is very hard and sad. Last night was my second time speaking, showing pictures while I talk, and reliving the 8 years of hell, dealing with your addiction. But I get in the car after it is all over and cry. I don't want to be the mother sharing her son's death. I want my son. I want to be the mother who has not lost her son to an overdose. I want to be the mother whose son overcame his addiction and now lives happily and serving the Lord. Why can't I be that mother? Why can't I have you in my life? Why did God have to take you from me?
    No answers, only questions. Only sadness and grief.  Someday we will be together my son. I pray that day will come quickly. Life here is too hard. Loving and Remembering you always, mom

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Happy Birthday Chuckie  / Auntie Jean (Aunt)

Happy Birthday Chuckie......
I heard it said  and have found that life is just a mixture of sunshine with some rain,but memories of sunny days are the ones that should remain. 

So, as I remember you today I'll remember the special memories of your birthdays ,your mom fixing your special meal and  everyone singing off key "Happy Birthday" with much love for you Chuckie. 
Love and miss your smile and great hugs.
Auntie Jean

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Sitting here at your grave....  / Mom

• Having coffee with you.
• You liked your dunkin donut coffee like I like mine,  light, no sugar
• Not like Pa, who liked his "light and sweet, like his women!"
• The balloons I have placed, say"Happy Birthday" and "Miss You"
• They are blowing in the wind and rain
• Heaven's tears mixed with mine,
• Mourning my loss, my precious son. Never to be seen until I begin my own eternity, the day known only by God.
• As he had  each of your days numbered; knowing 25 years ago that I would be sitting here by your grave today, writing these words.
• Soon I will release the 3rd balloon. "Happy Birthday from all of us"; from Dad, Erin, Chris and Me. Grab hold of the love that we send you, as we will cherish the love that you return. For love never dies, my precious, wonderful beloved, 25 year old son, Chuckie

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what would have happened...  / Erin (sister)
Today we all would have went to mom and dad's house for your birthday party. Aunt Jean, Uncle Bob, AJ, Gram, and our fam would have all been there to celebrate. You would have walked in and said Where are my presents? Told mom she looked Beautiful.. and given stretch a seat at the table. I would have joked with you how you're now a quarter of a century..
Happy 25th birthday in heaven chuck. I am sad that every year from 2005 on all that I can do is type you a birthday card and remember you in my heart. I wish things were different.
I love you always.
Erin Close

Happy 25th Birthday in Heaven, Chuckie  / Mom
     25 years ago today, you arrived 5 weeks early. You couldn't wait to start living. Maybe you knew your years on earth would be cut short and you wanted to start living as soon as possible. Who knew on that joyous day, the birth of our firstborn son, that our hearts would be so grief-laden 25 years later. You brought us so much joy, my son.  Sadness and pain, yes, but joy in your life, your heart and your passion for living. Your love for people was always evident, even as a child.
     Today I will spend time at your grave. Weeping tears for what will not be. Weeping tears for the times we will be missing you. Tears for the missed daughter-in-law, and future grandchildren. Tears for the holidays and birthday celebrations that will not have you there.  Tears that on my son's quarter century birthday, I cannot put my arms around you, kiss your cheek and say I love you, Chuckie. So, I say it now in my heart my son. I pray Christ will relay this message to you. Tell you how much you are missed and how we are all struggling to keep going without you. 
     Have lots of cake, ice cream and enjoy your day with your new friends, Pa, Tricia, Grandma and Sampa and all the others we have loved that have gone before. Know you are always in my heart, until we meet again.....mom Close

17 months gone this Christmas eve....  / Mom
Chuckie, Remember how wonderful Christmas eve's used to be?The whole family would come over, Grandma and Pa, Aunt Jean, Uncle Bob and AJ, Lori and John. We would have this huge meal, too much food, then open presents from all the relatives. It was so hard trying to see what everyone else got, while opening your own presents.  Then we would go to church for the Christmas eve service. So beautiful. At the end of the service, everyone got a candle to light,
all the lights would go out and everyone sang Silent Night. Could always feel God's presence at these moments. These memories will never be forgotten.  After we went home, each of you kids would open a new ornament from me and dad and we got to open our presents from you, all the while me playing the Amy Grant Christmas CD, which you kids hated by the end of the season cuz I played it to death! Usually me and daddy would then go to bed from exhaustion, while you, Erin and Chris stayed up till the wee hours of the morning.  Santa couldn't come till you went to bed, as you would all peak at your presents.  So I always woke up really early to put the presents under the tree.
      Christmas will never be the same without you. We are struggling to figure out how to celebrate Christ's birth the least painful way, starting new traditions, new memories. It helps that we are in a new house and new city. I pray you are enjoying this Christmas Eve with Christ, his angels, Pa, Uncle Tom, Tricia, and your new friends, including Bill, Justin and Brian.  You are not here, but always in our hearts, forever and ever. ALWAYS loved and NEVER forgotten. mom Close

Merry Christmas!  / Sue Revette

Being a Catholic school girl - I truly believe Christmas in Heaven must be wonderful!  As sad as we all are that you are not with us, I know that you are happy and at peace and celebrating 'Christmas' in the best place you could ever be!!  That doesn't stop us from missing your presence here, though!!  I am sure you know that you are always thought of and missed, not just at this time of year! 
(I like to remember visiting you & Sherri in Florida.  That was a happy, fun time!  I will never forget my yellow rose!  You were always very thoughtful!!)      Merry Christmas Chuck!!

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Always Remembered  / Thank You Sue Revette

Chuckie, you are....

~ALWAYS REMEMBERED~
I know I am still with you
in your prayers, your thoughts, your heart.
And though you cannot see me,
I will always be a part...
Of life's sweet celebrations
in those times when you reflect
on how, though things are different.
through our love, we still connect. 
We'll see each other someday
when our spirits all are free,
until then, I am with you 
because you remember me.

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I miss you.  / Missy (cousin)
Chuckie,
Where do i begin.
I love you oh so dearly. My love for you has grown stronger.
I know you are taking care of my dad, telling him how hard the holidays are going to be. I have put you orniment on the tree that Aunt mari has sent me. I look at that tree and just think.."what about those presents of christmas dinners or pinching of the cheeks." i miss that. i miss the phone calls, i miss you laugh, and i miss you. Keep my daddy safe, show him some cool hang out places so when i get up there we can all hang. I love you and i always will

<3 Missy Close

I Miss You  / Chase Pielak (Cousin)

Somehow from 2000 miles and half a life apart, I knew you, Chuckie. We were the same, you and me. We grew up at the same big house in the same town at the same park. The attic held more treasure than we could handle. Grandpa's workshop and the secret field occupied our thoughts. I remember running after you as you sang about the essence of the flower - a potion that we brewed from the dogwood flowers. I remember throwing apples at grandpa with you and pouring grandma's perfume out on the roses. I remember eating apricot jam sandwiches that grandma made before we were even in school and the pure joy of the July family barbecue. I remember meeting you again a few years ago and sharing our grief. I remember Christmases at the Beyer house with the giant Christmas tree. I remember your family caroling at my door. You were a brother as much as a cousin to me. 

I think of you often as I sit with my little boy. I wonder who he'll find as a brother. I marvel at the joys that he has yet to live even as I miss you, my cousin. You were my best friend growing up. The holidays bring those days nearer and I grieve for you. I grieve for your family and pray that they can find some joy even in your absence. And I think of you now and I wonder at your joy. With my love, my cousin, my brother. I remember you. I miss you. Merry Christmas.

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Chuckie, today I put your ornaments on the tree....  / Mom
your box of ornaments that represented your past as well as hope for your future. Every Christmas you got a special ornament that signified something special that happened that year.  I wanted to give you the box of ornaments when you got married, so you would have ornaments to put on your first tree as a married couple. So many hockey ornaments, one from our tournament in Lake Placid, some of cartoon characters playing hockey, some snowboarding.  A few years ago, I got you one of Santa sitting in a police car.  (I wonder why? )I thought it was funny, but you didn't laugh. But my favorite are the precious ornaments you made as a child in Sunday School class and school.  I remember telling you that they were my favorite ornaments on the tree. Today they made me cry. You made precious angels, snowflakes and a Christmas tree decoration.  The one you made in kindergarten you signed Charles, because your teacher wouldn't let you sign your name Chuckie.  You were so mad that she called you Charles, because your name was Chuckie! She agreed to call you Chuckie, if you wrote Charles on your papers.
     And I cannot hang your stocking.  The thought of it breaks my heart.  I cannot put the other stockings up either, as your missing stocking would be a glaring reminder of you not being with us. Life is just so sad, my son. I pray you are celebrating this Advent Season, with joy, as you praise and sing of the birth of Christ, your Saviour and mine.
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16 Months in Heaven.... How I miss you. What I cling to now are..  / Mom

God's Promises.  God has promised:

 ~HE HOLDS OUR TEARS IN HIS HANDS ~
His hands must be overflowing with my tears. Tears shed publicly, many in secret. I cry because my heart is broken. I cry because I miss you, Chuckie.

~HE IS CLOSE TO THE BROKEN HEARTED ~
He is close to me. I believe He is close to me, when I feel Him close, and the many times I do not feel His presence. 

~HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR ME ~ 
I am grateful for His Grace.  It is His grace which has allowed Chuckie, a drug addict,  access to Heaven and it is His grace which will allow Chuckie's angry and broken mom access to Heaven. Neither of us deserve it. I have railed against you, God.  I have been rude, I have doubted your existence, and I still am angry. I hate that you took my son from me.  Yet I know that you want my honesty, all my true feelings, as this is a form of worship to you.  Take care of my son until I get there.

~NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US FROM GOD'S LOVE ~
Not life, nor death.  At the moment Chuckie left this world to enter Heaven, he was not separated from your love, God. He is not separated from your love now. Thank you, God.

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thanksgiving / Erin (sister)
as we sat around the table, we all felt sadness because you weren't there. It's hard to talk about chuck. I don't like talking about you being gone, it's too painful. Know that I love you. I miss you. I am thankful that you are my brother. I am thankful that I will see you again. I love you forever. Erin Close