Our 3rd Thanksgiving without you 11/22/07  / Mom

Another holiday without you. It is very sad missing you so much. I light a special candle on holidays, in remembrance of you, the flame glowing brightly, reminding me not only of how brightly your light shone here on earth, but how brightly it is now shining in heaven. When you died, Aunt Susan had a star named after you, and gave me a star map of where it is located.  When I look at the sky, I am in awe of how many stars God created for our wonder and amazement, knowing that God knew before the creation of the world, that that one particular star is called the Chuckie Beyer star.  I look for the star in the sky and wonder if you have had the chance to visit it yet. Or maybe we can visit it together on some future date.
     You are greatly missed my child. I shed tears for you daily, missing what was, and what now cannot be, and what was to be our future.  God had a different future in mind for both of us, than what we had planned for ourselves.  My griefshare leader said we need to be grateful for what we do have on this day.  I am grateful for your Dad, Erin and Chris, as well as all the other family members and friends who have struggled with us these last 27 months. And I am very grateful for the 23 1/2 months that we had together. Know how much I love you and hold onto the hope of being together again with you in Heaven, hearing again those words, "I love you mom", the last words you ever said to me, on the phone, the day before you died.  "I love you too, Chuckie", the last words I ever said to you.  mom

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To all of you who shared a part in Chuckie's addiction....  / Chuckie's Mom
Maybe you did drugs with him, or sold him drugs.  Maybe you bought drugs from him or asked him to get you drugs.  Maybe you are the one who opened your house to him in high school, so you could get high together.  Or maybe you are the girl who gave him his very first puff of marijuana.  ( For a very long time I was very angry at you, holding you partly responsible for his death, believing, that very first puff of marijuana, led to his death from drugs, 8 years later.)
     However, now I just want all of you to know that through Christ, I am able now to forgive you.  Maybe this is something I need to do to heal, I don't know.  But I do know that Chuckie was responsible for all the choices that he made in his life, just like you are responsible for the choices you have made.  I pray all of you are making better choices in your life now, and that your moms will not have to go through burying their child, like I did. Drugs destroy lives.  Chuckie had so much to live for, and had his life taken from him at too young an age, because of drugs.  Don't destroy your own life.  If you need help, ask for it.  And stay close to God, because He loves you and so do I. Mrs Beyer Close

10/26/07 Rest in Peace ~ Mark T Hughes ~ Our Good Friend  / Mari
At 4 pm on 10/26/07 our good friend Mark went to be with the Lord.  He was vacationing in Puerto Rico with his wife Lisa, celebrating a belated 25th wedding anniversary.  After a nice day, they decided to go swimming outside their hotel.  Both got caught in a dangerous riptide and both were drowning.  Mark threw Lisa onto a rock, saving her life, but went under himself and drowned.  He was only 47, too young to die, and passionate about everything he did in life.
Passionate about music, especially his beloved Moody Blues, but also Annie Haslam, the Corrs and too many others to name.  He was passionate about his career, Supervisor of the greens at a golf course in Rochester NY, but most of all, passionate about his family.  He was so proud of his sons, Justin, who is following in his footsteps, and his younger son, Eric, who was finally old enough to start making career decisions of his own.  But more than anything, he loved his wife Lisa, saving her life at the cost of his own.  Rest in Peace, our beloved friend, Mark.  We will miss you.   Please tell Chuckie when you see him how much he is missed down here.  Close

10/24/07 27 months in Heaven  / Mom
Another month goes by, and you're not here.
You're missed so much, yet you exist in our hearts, souls and minds. Ever present, ever whispering. I like how you whispered in Dad's ear in Church on Sunday, "You wish you had my shot!".  He does, you know.  Wish he had your shot! You were amazing!  I am telling your life story to kids - kids who need to hear it, and I believe it is making a difference. We will never know until we get to heaven how many lives are being changed for the better, because of the struggles you have gone through.  But you know how many! I know Christ is letting you know, when another kid makes better decisions in their life, because of the wrong decisions you made. But it's hard, Chuckie. Because every time I tell it, I relive your addiction, I relive your death.
     When you were very young, Jesus whispered in my ear that you were special.  I think part of your specialness now, is the many lives that are being changed for the better, because of your life.  So although it's hard and sad for me, I will keep going for today.  Keep on going, one more day, one more hour, one more minute, one more second.  Looking forward to my own eternity, seeing you again, face to face, hearing again those words from you, "I love you, mom".  I love you too, Chuckie!  mom Close

My Regrets....  / Mom

Chuckie, there are so many things that I think about that I wish I could do over. So many regrets. I wonder,    
  Would you be alive today,


- If I never took you out of the Christian school to put you in public?
- If I had home schooled you? 
- If I trusted you less and paid more attention to where you were at all times?
- If we had moved out of NJ earlier?
- If I never let you play hockey games on Sunday, but made you be in church instead?
- If I had prayed more?
- If I had fasted?
- If I never let you come home when you were living in Florida?

What could I have done differently? So many regrets. Wishing I could live life over and this time you didn't die. I am sorry my son, for the mistakes I made. I only know I always loved you and always tried to do the best thing for you. So many times I did not know the right thing to do. I love you and look forward to our future reunion. mom

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To Marianne Molloy and all who visit this site who do not know us.....  / Mari
Dear Marianne,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read about my Chuckie and sending your condolences. It means so much! It is the reason for this website and the reason I have linked my ebay site to Chuckie's page.  As a mother, all I can do for my son now is remember him and help others remember him. The fact that it touched you has blessed me. I am glad that you will now reach out to your precious nephews, as loving the ones in our lives is really all that matters in the end.
     I am sure many others have read this site, and not taken the time to write, maybe because they felt the same as you, not wanting to intrude on our sadness and pain....yet, I have felt a sense of gratitude and God's grace from your letter, and I am truly grateful you took the time to write. I would have emailed you this, if you had clicked on display my email address, but since you didn't I can only hope you re-visit the site and read this. God bless you my new friend,  (even though we have never met) !  Mari Close

Please forgive me if this is inappropriate  / Marianne Molloy
Hello,

I was going through ebay looking for collectibles and came across your items.  I visited your store and then immediately saw the picture of your son Chuckie.  What a beautiful picture, I thought.  Then as I read further I realized what had happened.

I have spent the last 40 minutes reading about a man and a family I do not know and yet as I write this I feel compelled to tell you how amazing you all seem and how evident it is that you  truly, truly loved Chuckie.  I cannot tell you how touched I am from all that I've read and the pictures that I have seen. 

I am sitting here in Long Beach, California at 12:47 a.m. in the morning typing words to people I have never met!  But I had to write....and yet as I write I feel as though somehow I am intruding on something very beautiful and sacred.  I feel as though I am intruding on very private thoughts and pictures and yet I could not tear myself away.  I have 5 nephews,  from 19 to late 20's and reading about Chuckie just reinforced for me how I have to stay involved and vocal in their lives.  Visiting your website has made me realize how fragile all of our lives are.

Bless all of you.  Please accept the condolences from a stranger...but yet not completely a stranger because tonight, by accident (or maybe not) I now know a boy named Chuckie and tomorrow when I call my nephews to make sure they are okay, it will be because of Chuckie that I am doing so.  

Take care and God Bless you all.  

Marianne Close

My Griefshare Letter to Family and Friends....  / Mom
As some of you know, I have embarked on a 13 week program called Griefshare, a program for those who are grieving; a time to get together and share feelings and sadness with others who are 
in pain. Our class has 6, plus a leader. Although I am the only one there for the loss of my child, I stay with the hope of learning more about this unwelcome guest called grief, as well as sharing more 
of Chuckie's life with whoever will listen. For healing comes not 
with forgetting, but with remembering....
     Our homework for this week is to write a grief letter to family 
and friends, so I decided to post my letter on Chuckie's webpage, 
as most of you know I have been very open in sharing all the sadness and pain that I feel. The first part of the letter is to 
describe what has happened and how I feel about it. I have lost 
my precious child Chuckie and I HATE IT! Although he battled addiction 8 years, and I always knew I could lose him to an overdose, nothing prepares you for their death. I feel like part of 
my heart has been torn out.  The wound keeps bleeding and bleeding, with a constant pain that is always with me. I feel that 
the joy, happiness and contentment that I felt before Chuckie's death have been snatched from my life, and I do not know if they will ever return.  For today, the pain is there, arising anew every time I look at his face.  His pictures are all around me, all over the house and my car, because I need to always remember him and 
feel the pain. The pain is my connection to Chuckie and if the pain goes away, I feel I will be forgetting him.
     Part 2 of the letter is to let people know what to expect from 
me in my current state.  I can only say that I am functioning the 
best I can.  Although I still cry every day for my son, I mostly do it when I am by myself.  It does make me feel somewhat better, a temporary cleansing of sadness until the next time, and it enables me to keep going.  I may look like I am doing OK and if you ask 
me, I will tell you I'm OK, but my heart is hurting and I am sad 
every day.  I hate that I have to live the rest of my life without Chuckie.
     The last part is to let people know how they can help.  I will repeat what I said in my Christmas letter 2 years ago.  Don't be afraid to talk about Chuckie.  I may cry, but thats ok. I am glad 
that Erin, Chris, Chuck and I talk about Chuckie all the time. It 
helps all of us.  I need for him to be remembered.  I appreciate phone calls, when you, the ones who care, ask me how I'm doing and won't take OK for an answer.  Thank you for the tears when you have cried with me. Your notes and cards mean so much. I am sorry for not writing or calling back like I should, but often it takes too much energy and I don't want to depress you with my 
sadness. For those who have lit candles or written tributes on Chuckie's webpage, it means everything.  Please don't stop 
praying for us, because it is still a struggle to keep going on 
without him.
     To any who have kept reading this till the end, thank you. I
love all of you, even those I have not met. If Chuckie was 
important to you, you are important to me.
     Chuckie's death has taught me how fragile life is. Those we 
love can be snatched from us at any second.  So love the ones in your life to the fullest and tell them you love them.  Have faith in Christ, because it is only through Him that we can have the wonderful, blessed hope of being with our loved ones again.  It is this hope which has helped me more than anything.  I have 
learned that this hope is from God. Remember that none of us 
have the promise of being here tomorrow, so trust in Christ today.
 I love you all. Close

26 Months Gone, today. 09/24/07  / Mom
My darling Chuckie, It is unfathomable to me that you have been 
in Heaven for 26 months. Yet another 24th of the month comes 
and reminds me of my loss. I am striving to keep going, yet the tears fall daily. Other than God's love, there is no greater love than a mother for her child. The Bible says in Matthew, that a mother 
cannot be comforted when she loses her child. The pain is overwhelming and I am sad everyday. Everyday. I have started a griefshare program to try to make some sense of this sadness. A beautiful woman named Julie told me last night that you must have loved me very much to try so many times to get clean. How 
beautiful that was to hear. I have also read that it was the Spirit 
of God which was working in you, for you to try over and over 
again to get clean. I rejoice that you are clean and happy now, but the pain here on earth will never end for me until I begin my own eternity.
     People ask me how I'm doing. I wish people wouldn't ask me. I always say ok. I'm not ok, so I guess that's a lie, but it's just 
easier than explaining over and over again that my heart is 
broken, that I miss my son so much and that every day that 
passes I miss him more. Most people are uncomfortable with the truth, or they would get tired of hearing it over and over and stop asking. Most people want to hear I am doing better, they mean 
well, but how on earth do you ever recover from losing a beloved child? It is not possible!
   I also learned in Griefshare that any hope I have comes from God himself. That God is the source of hope. So holding onto the hope of seeing you again is God's healing process at work. As the song says...I will hold onto Jesus, with all that I have to see you again. I love you, my son, Mom Close

~ Rest In Peace Sweet Sandy ~ 3/22/61 to 9/20/07  / Mari
We sadly say good-bye to Chuckie's friend and cousin, Sandy, who passed away early this morning at 4 am.  Sandy struggled long and hard and was a kindred spirit to Chuckie with his battles. When Chuckie was in a rehab in Phonix, Sandy went to visit him and took him out to eat and they became friends. We will always be grateful for her phone call to us and tears after Chuckie died.
     When Sandy shut her eyes for the last time on this earth, she awoke in Heaven, eagerly greeting her Lord!  Chuckie, Uncle Tom, Grandma and Sampa were right behind Christ with wide open arms....eager to hear of news from earth and all of us she left behind.  While we grieve her loss, we look forward with hope to the day when we will see her and the others we love, spending eternity together with them and our Lord, Jesus Christ. Rest in Peace, Sweet Sandy. We will see you again. Close

Hey Chuckie ~ Just missing you, my son  / Mom
Getting to tell your story quite often, sometimes to 14 and 15 year old kids - where it might make a difference. As I look at their faces 
I wonder if you had heard this story at their age, if it would have made a difference in your life.  If someone said, "Chuck, once you take that first puff of marijuana, your life is going to go downhill quickly, and before you know it, your life will be out of control and you are going to become an addict and die from an overdose in 8 years." Would you have listened, my son? Knowing what you were like at that age, I don't think it would have made a difference to 
you. You were stubborn, headstrong and felt like you knew more than me or dad.
     I do know, that grieving for you for over 2 years does not get any easier. I miss you with every ounce of my being. I look for you 
in others that are your age, and for split seconds of time, try to believe it is you. Don't know if that is normal or not. In spite of functioning ok, my heart remains sad, always longing to see you. 
As I tell the kids that I speak to, I hate living my life without my 
son. As some of the kids have commented on their evaluations...."Rest in Peace, Chuckie. " We WILL be together 
again someday. mom Close

25 months in Heaven....Living my life without you is still very sad....  / Mom
It is hard to believe you have been in Heaven for 25 months....the days keep going on, and every day I still wake up and say Oh my God, my son is dead. Sometimes it seems like a nightmare I hope to wake up from. I wonder if it gets easier. I wonder if the 24th of the month will ever pass without me realizing it is the day God took you from me. But, life goes on. The sun still rises and sets every day and people forget and go about their lives. I will NEVER forget.  I still shed tears for missing you so much, and some days are black holes that are hard to climb out of.  We are all struggling to keep going. Just know we are missing you Chuckie and looking forward to that reunion sometime in the future. Love you always and forever, for love never dies. mom Close

Hey Chuckie, still looking for you in everyone I see....  / Mom
Daddy and I went to a concert Friday night, and a kid with his long haired blonde girlfriend sat in front of me for a few minutes.  He had a hat on like you wore them, same kind of thick hair and  the same profile as you.  It looked like you and Sherri sitting in front of me and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Drinking in the sight of someone who looked like you. He was thinner than you, and when he got up and left I had all I could do not to run after him, but I was boxed into my seat. Whatever would I say to him, excuse me, can I look at your profile  for awhile because you remind me of my dead son?  Yea, right. Of course it made me cry on the way home. Wanting to see you so badly... For a split second today, as Chris walked into the room, I thought it was you. He does resemble you, you know. Think this is normal though.  Parents searching for their child's face in others. Good to know I'm not going crazy, just a mom missing her child. love you always. So glad that love never dies. It is eternal.
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Thanks to all who remembered Chuckie on the 2nd anniversary of his death...  / Mom
It was a very hard and sad day for us. I cried many tears.  To those of you who came to the grave with me and Chuck... Doreen, Sherri and her mom Sue, Carol and Steve, Ed, Mike Raymond, Joanie and Bill, Bobby and Chris Mooney, thank you! It meant so much to have you there. We let balloons go, symbolizing our love going up to you, Chuckie. Many expressed their love for Chuckie and shared memories of him. I also let a balloon go for Mom, Jeanie, Erin, Chris, Mike Kern and Missy, who all couldn't be there, but wanted to.
     To his friends who left flowers on his grave, as well as a cigar, a hockey stick, and the beautiful rose petals all around his grave, which still smelled so beautiful and made me cry,  thank you. Thank you for remembering him. It means so much.
   And for all of you who thought of him that day, or who sent me emails, or who lit a memorial candle on his website, please know I read each and every one and appreciate them more than words can say. As a mother, all I can do for my son now is remember him and help others remember him.  I know Chuckie was unforgettable! God bless all of you, Mari Close

I liked this poem when I read it  / Sherri
WE THINK OF YOU IN SILENCE, WE OFTEN SPEAK YOUR NAME.
ALL WE HAVE ARE MEMORIES, AND YOUR PICTURE IN A FRAME.
YOUR RESTING PLACE WE VISIT, AND PUT FLOWERS THERE WITH CARE.
BUT NO ONE KNOWS THE HEARTACHE, AS WE TURN AND LEAVE YOU THERE.
WE KNOW YOU WALK BESIDE US, AND WHEN ARE LIVES ARE THROUGH, WE PRAY THAT GOD WILL TAKE OUR HAND, AND LEAD US STRAIGHT TO YOU. 
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Cheering up some tired parents.  / Bill Kelly (Family Friend )
I was the team manager for the Mite B hockey team of the then "Morris County Colonials" Chuckie's brother Chris was one of the players on the "Mighty Bees".

The team went to a tournament in Chesapeake, Virginia sponsored by the Chesapeake Chiefs.

At one early morning game, Chuckie stood in front of our parents, faced us and led all of us in a cheer, spelling out the letters of COLONIALS with his arms, cheering enthusiastically and jumping about.  He gave all of us there real joy with his exuberance. Close

Two Years  / Sherri
I can't beleive it's been two years. I can remember everything like it was yesterday. It is amazing how much you can love someone, even when they are not physically around anymore. There has not been a single day that yoy have not crossed my mind. This day, two years ago, changed my life forever. I will continue to think of your smile, your laughter, and happy times with you. I am reminded of you by so many things, whether it be a song, a person, a certain food you loved, and so on. You are often in my dreams, and for that I thank you. I miss and love you dearly. You will always hold that special place in my heart and soul. In time, I know I will see you again.

Sherri xoxoxo Close

2 years.  / Erin (sister)
It's been two years since you've been gone. I remember this day two years ago--only vaguely, as it's a painful memory--it plays back in my memory as if it were another life. I remember screaming, crying, and just stareing off into the distance for hours-as glenn drove us back to NJ. I remember the last time I saw you; the weekend of Lynsi's funeral. Although that was a terrible event, it gave me the last opportunity to make ammends with you. It was a blessing in disguise. I was able to say I love you, I want you to get better--and you were able to say I'm sorry and I love you. I remember your face, I remember your laugh. I remember your hugs, and I remember your personality. As I continue to go on through this life, I promise that I will always remember you, love you, and will do what my God-given purpose is to honor your life. You are forever in my heart, my beloved brother.
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2 years ago today, July 24th, 2005, you went to Heaven...  / Mom
I will never forget those words my brother said to me, "I am sorry to tell you  this, but your son is dead". The worst words in the world. Words that have changed our families life forever. Words that have changed us as people. We will never be the same people we were before that day.
     So today, my son, I will go to your grave. Remembering that awful day. Weeping tears of sadness. Weeping for what will never be in your life.  Weeping because I just miss you so much. We will have a balloon ceremony at 6 pm tonight, sending  our love to you with each balloon we release.
     Susan said to celebrate your life. So I will strive to remember everything about you. your wonderful childhood. Being a middle child, you were so easy-going, such a people person.  All the fun we had going to hockey games. You were such an amazing player! I will remember always your struggles with drugs, for you battled them 
for so long. Yet in the end, they were not victorious, for when you closed your eyes for the last time, Christ took you home.  The wrong decisions you made in life, did not keep you from Heaven. Heaven would be empty if God kept everyone out who made wrong decisions!  
     So my love, I know you are now clean and happy, enjoying life with Pa, Grandma, Sampa, Tricia and so many more. We will be together again. I kind of think you will be mad at me for shedding so many tears.  Too bad.  I love you, Chuckie. Love never dies. You will be in my heart forever. You are forever loved and forever missed. You are always remembered. mom Close

The days leading up to the anniversary of your death....  / Mom
are the hardest and saddest times. So many memories. 2 years 
ago, right about this time, you were in a Christian rehab in Texas.  There was a wall with pictures on it of kids who had died from drugs.  You told me you never wanted to be on that wall. After you died, the owner of the rehab center requested your picture.
     You told me that you knew God wanted you to go to this rehab, to renew your relationship with Christ. You knew it was the right decision. Your relationship was renewed before you died.
     You also told me,"Mom, the drugs are going to kill me."   I cried and cried. You had given up hope that you could ever battle your addiction successfully. That was the moment I gave up hope too. It was a very desolate feeling, having no hope.  In retrospect, I be-lieve it was one of your final gifts to me,  a forewarning, a prophecy,  a preparation for what was to come. You knew you were not 
strong enough to beat the addiction. You hated it. Hated that it 
was stronger than you. Hated what it had done to those of us 
who loved you. Hated yourself for not being strong enough to 
stop. 
     On the morning of your death, I was watching Joel Osteen on 
TV, and he was talking about how a father had an addict for a son, but never gave up hope that his son would be healed. And his son walked in his door, completely healed of addiction.   I thought God was speaking to me to say that I should never give up hope, so I made the decision to have hope again, that God would heal you.   
A few hours later I got the phone call that you were dead. You 
were dead, even while I had watched Osteen, even while my hope had been renewed.
     Oh my Chuckie, how I long to see you again. You cannot know how very hard and sad my life is without you. I miss you so much.  
I know you cannot come back to me, but that I will someday come 
to you. Know how much I love you till that day.....mom
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